Selfishness

This post is going to seem really selfish. I'm just warning you in advance. Sometimes you just have to get it off your chest and then move on.

First off, no matter what I have to deal with while taking care of my two kids with Crohn's, it's no where near as bad as having Crohn's. I get that. But can I just say that I am so tired of it? There are lots of things I'm really grateful for - good doctors, decent insurance, medicine that (sometimes) takes my babies' pain away, etc. But today I'm going to vent about the crap because it's building up and I gotta dump it somewhere.

It's been a little over a year since Nora was diagnosed and in that time I have racked up thousands upon thousands of dollars in medical bills. Pediatric colonoscopies are really expensive. Even if Nora let me sleep through the night I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to as I'd be too busy thinking of all the money that is going to the damn anaesthesiologist instead of a down payment for a house that will actually fit all my kids. I am tired of getting sent to collections for bills that I've already paid, I'm tired of spending my free time hauling my kids to the hospital for blood draws instead of taking them to the park. I'm tired of being so tired that I actually considered buying Depends so I don't have to get up to go to the bathroom. But most of all, I'm tired of watching my kids go through the crap they have to go to. I'm tired of hearing them scream in pain and I'm tired of not being able to do anything about it.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent - back to being a mom.